Empowerment (Part 2 of 2): Growing Our Power
The power we earn through our words, our actions, and each other
This is the second in a series about my empowerment framework. If you missed part one, you can read about the first two elements of the framework - Intuition and Strength - in Empowerment (Part 1 of 2): Finding Our Power.
The four quadrants of the empowerment framework are:
Intuition - listen to the mind
Strength - prepare the body
Advocacy - ignite the spirit
Expansion - enlist the community
Last week, I discussed how we first determine where we want to go and then build the physical and mental fortitude to get there. We use our strength to shatter the barriers to entry and to prime our bodies and minds for the hard work to achieve our goals. Both of these elements are really within ourselves: the soul search and the personal fortification. Today we begin to move outward, to the space we share with others in the world: Advocacy and Expansion.
Advocacy | Find, and use, your voice
This is a big step: Knowing what we stand for, flexing our muscles, using our will and strength to advocate first for ourselves, and then for others.
Self-Advocacy
The ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". Our journey of a thousand actions begins with a single ask.
Stand up for yourself. Speak up and use your voice to claim what you want. Make the ask, state your objection. Get a bigger piece of (the) pie. My mom’s words are often in my mind: “Be your own advocate.” At the end of the day, you can’t count on anyone else to have your back unconditionally - you have to have your own. It feels so good when other voices speak up to join our own, echoing support for what we believe and want. But they need a first voice to be able to join. What does your intuition tell you to go towards? That is the North Star. What’s your first little, tiny, baby step to get there? That’s your first ask. This first step may be asking yourself for permission. Tap into your strength to get the ‘yes’. What do you need from others? Time? Space? Resources? Advocate for your needs. Remember, in case of a cabin pressure emergency, put on your own mask first before assisting others.
Advocacy for Others
Once we’ve built up our advocacy muscles, we can then build our ability to speak for others. We’re told we need to find advocates to achieve our career goals - this is absolutely true. We need people with skin in the game who go to bat for us. What do I mean by skin in the game?
Q: In a bacon-and-egg breakfast, what's the difference between the Chicken and the Pig?
A: The Chicken is involved, but the Pig commits!
The pig has skin in the game.1 Before getting, think about giving. Who might you advocate for? No matter where you sit in an org chart, or the role you play in an ecosystem, consider how you can use your voice and power to lift someone else.
By advocating for the people and ideals you believe in, you will gain more power and influence. You will be seen as someone who speaks with conviction about the things they value. When you champion someone to be promoted who deserves the progression, you will be seen as someone with a keen eye for talent and who uses their resources effectively. When you support a cause or leader with your time and skills, you will be viewed as a person with strong purpose, vision and generosity. So when it is time for future asks, especially self-advocacy - these actions are part of your history of strong performance.
Tools that can help
Small asks - Try asking for something small, temporary, or an easy ‘yes’. Stretch your advocacy muscles with an easy warm up. Getting a ‘yes’ is confidence building. Then expand from there. What if you get a whole day off next time instead of the evening? What if you get extra headcount for the big project?
You already have the ‘no’… go for the ‘yes’ - Remember that your current state is already without whatever it is you are advocating for. Might as well try for the ‘yes’! This psychological trick helps me put my ask in perspective. So, what if you ask for it, what is the worst that happens? Typically, just being exactly where you are right now. But best case, you are on your path to success and confident to ask again, maybe next time for the bigger get.
Practice getting ‘no’s’ - This Ted Talk from Jia Jiang was so inspiring for me. His goal was to be rejected for 100 days. He inoculated himself from the fear of rejection by trying to get people to say ‘no’ to him. Guess what, it was a real challenge! Most people want to say yes, and he had to make bigger, bolder, more outrageous requests to fill his quota. My favorite was asking for a burger refill.
Expansion | Speak with the spokes
Hub and spoke. Node and branch. Whatever mental image works for you, think about the connections you have in the world and those you might nurture to grow. This will help you move from being your own advocate to finding your advocates, and also broaden your reach and perspective through access to others.
Now is the time to find your own external advocates. The “skin in the game” people who echo your message, give you the credit you’ve earned, and lift you up. (Don’t worry, I wasn’t going to forget about you! We always get ours too!). First we have to learn to be advocates to know what real advocacy looks and feels like.
Expansion is also engaging and connecting with a community. Networking.
The term networking is intimidating, repulsive and triggering to a lot of people. I get it - the mental images of standing in a big room, business card in hand, schmoozing - yuck. The time, discomfort, wheeling and dealing to potentially, maybe meet someone who might, one day help me? No thank you. This attempt to attract strangers is an unnatural Outside-In approach. Let’s flip it and think about expanding from where we are.
You know people! Dozens of them! You went to school with them. You live near them. You see that same person around town all the time. Ask a friend to bring someone new to a coffee date. Share a budding interest or curiosity with a neighbor and see what, or who, they know about the topic. Start engaging these people - the old friends, the new acquaintances - and see what conversations and connections can come from what exists.
Expansion starts with building on the relationships and community we already have. Expansion is this Inside-Out, vulnerable, and curiosity-fuled approach to connecting. Expansion goes further when we use these connections to amplify our intuitive interests, our asks, and our impact.
Tools that can help
Personal stakeholder map - How do you find your potential advocates? Look around your ecosystem - who are the people involved in your work, in the places where you spend your time? Who sponsors the work you do? Who benefits from your success? These may not be the people you see every day, like a boss or supervisor, so think out a few clicks from your usual orbit. By identifying the people who personally or professionally benefit from your achievements and success, you get closer to why the work is done and who actually cares: who has skin in the game.
Be vulnerable - Chances are you know someone who knows someone who has some knowledge about the things that intuitively interest you. What if you put it out there? How might the people you already know be able to help you, and in turn help themselves, by sharing their knowledge or connections on the topic. By being vulnerable with the people we already know, we can reinforce our existing relationships and sprout new ones from these nodes. Much like my advice “you already have the ‘no’”, consider what’s the worst that could happen by sharing your intuitive interest… likely nothing! But you might gain a valuable connection, insight or perspective.
Repeat the Cycle
As I was writing this I almost stated “close the loop”. But this is not a loop - rather, it is a spiral emanating outward from our own intuitive interests and curiosity.
Expansion provides us perspective. We get input from others and can examine our ideas, beliefs and actions. We take this new perspective back inward, process it, and see how it might shift our truth. Continue to listen to yourself. Continue to build your strength and confidence. Continue to advocate, even louder now! And expand onward.
I am humored and not at all surprised that there is a wikipedia article for this exact story I wanted to tell.